Food and Drink

Your Childhood Easter Basket Candy, Ranked

Not all candy is dandy.

Igisheva Maria/Shutterstock
Igisheva Maria/Shutterstock
Igisheva Maria/Shutterstock

When I was growing up, my grandmother would regale me with horrifying stories about the live baby chicks people used to stuff inside Easter baskets when she was a girl in Pittsburgh in the (otherwise roaring) ’20s. The little baby birds would be the center of attention for all of Easter morning, till the kids’ attention turned faster than Jesus flipping a table full of money changers at the neighborhood temple. Naturally, the results weren’t that great, as baby chicks are known to grow into adult chickens. Yikes.

It was a problem. But my parents, in their infinite boomer wisdom, decided to forgo livestock in my Easter baskets and simply load them with delicious high fructose seasonal candy magic. And look at me! I grew up to be just… fine… I guess. But of course, some Easter candy is decidedly better than others. There’s the cream of the springtime crop, and some obvious basket-filler.

Here is the definitive ranking of all the candy your parents, legal guardians, or kind strangers used to put in your Easter basket. I hope it brings you some nostalgic joy. Or maybe nostalgic hate? It really depends on how much white chocolate your parents used to stuff in your basket, really.

Pixabay
Pixabay
Pixabay

12. White chocolate

White chocolate is Monday, in candy form. It is the tag on the back of your shirt that insufferably scratches your neck all day. It’s the pebble in the sole of your boot. It’s the gnawing sliver of eternal doubt that hits you when you are 7 years old, and you learn your old pal the Easter bunny may be nothing but a lie propagated by your parents. I really hate white chocolate. And so should you.

11. Easter grass

So you aren’t really supposed to eat this stuff, as it’s plastic and solely for decoration. But still, I had to rank it above white chocolate for reasons that should be obvious.
 

10. Live chicks or rabbits

We went over this.
 

Flickr/jeepersmedia
Flickr/jeepersmedia
Flickr/jeepersmedia

9. Malt-y eggs

I was never totally sure what these are technically called. When we were younger, my brother and I called them “malty boys,” and they were generally recognized as being basic Easter basket filler. They coated your mouth with a bad taste that would often last till school was back in session, and I feel like they are exclusively relegated to Easter for a good reason. Still, I’d rather eat 100 of them than one bite of white chocolate. Obviously.

8. Cadbury eggs

In my mind, the Cadbury egg is the Easter equivalent of Dr. Who: It’s kind of quirky, definitely British, and I have no idea why people are so in love with it/them. Yet another egg-shaped entry in the pantheon of Easter snacks, the Cadbury egg certainly has a cult-like following. And yeah… I can’t figure it out. And frankly, I’m not sure I care.

Unsplash/Patrick Fore
Unsplash/Patrick Fore
Unsplash/Patrick Fore

7. Jelly beans

Perhaps more than any other Easter-focused candy, jelly beans truly capture the spirit of the day. They are bright. They are light. They are festive. And they will make you feel a little bit queasy after like, 10 minutes. That being said, I have a confession that I’ve kept buried deep inside the guiltiest parts of my psyche, all this time: jelly beans are just OK. They are spectacularly mediocre. And frankly, I can only do a few handfuls per year. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Ronald Reagan. Sorry to everyone.

Flickr/nycnosh
Flickr/nycnosh
Flickr/nycnosh

6. Mini Cadbury eggs

A true Easter pro tip: Size does matter in the case of Cadbury Eggs, as these little, lesser-known superstars eschew the off-putting (in my opinion!) cream of their pumped up brethren and instead go full-on chocolate. They taste like giant M&M’s. This is the point of the list where we switch over from filler to killer. So get ready for the good stuff.

5. Peeps

Hear me out here. I know people hate Peeps. I realize that they-undoubtedly-are the most maligned of all Easter fare. Just look at the Peep-focused furor bleeding through the corners of the internet (though some of these people here are talking about their friends in mid-90s slang). But here’s the thing: Peeps are but a once-per-year treat. And for this brief, bright timeframe, I can certainly stomach their brightly colored, marshmallowy, whimsical gooeyness… and their cold, black eyes. And plus, they blow up like parade floats when you put them in the microwave. Which is always cool as heck, no matter how old you are.

4. Nondescript gelatinous (gummy) treats

Though Easter has always been primarily an egg-shaped, chocolate realm, no basket was every fully complete without a choice selection from the gummy zone. Whether it was worms, bears, blobs, or any other assorted shape, the palate-cleansing gummy was exactly what one needed when washing the taste of malty boys out of your mouth.

m01229/wikimedia commons
m01229/wikimedia commons
m01229/wikimedia commons

3. Pastel M&Ms

Haters will say these are just like regular M&Ms, with festive shells. To which I would reply, so the fuck what?

Flickr/jamiesrabbits
Flickr/jamiesrabbits
Flickr/jamiesrabbits

2. Peanut Butter Cup eggs

Ah Reese’s-America’s candy sweetheart. You can roll through nearly any Easter basket scenario in the United States, and more often than not, the Reese’s is the most popular item, the Holy Grail. And I get it. They are delicious and wholly unoffensive. But therein lies the problem: they are too obvious. Too basic. Furthermore, they are just regular Reese’s with a seasonal skin. No, in order to claim the top spot on this ranking, we need a candy that not only fits the mold, but sets the mold.

Flickr/jeepersmedia
Flickr/jeepersmedia
Flickr/jeepersmedia

1B. Giant chocolate bunnies (hollow)

Expected? Maybe. But the right choices usually are. The chocolate bunny is an exclusively Easter tradition: delicious, creamy, succulent milk chocolate, molded like a chocolate bunny, the symbol of the fun part of Easter. For the most part, the chocolate bunnies in your basket are hollow. And while these are good… of course, we have to consider them to be “1B,” at best. Because…

1A. Giant chocolate bunnies (thick, full, and totally solid)

The true hero of Easter (besides the Bunny and Jesus, obviously) are chocolate bunnies that are solid the whole way through. This entry takes the traditional chocolate bunny mold, and fills in ALL the spaces. As a kid, getting a totally solid chocolate bunny in your basket was the equivalent of landing a free Nintendo 64 that was also stuffed with Pogs and Creepy Crawlers. This was the centerpiece of your basket. The shining center of your holiday. Your reward for sitting through church and wearing those awful suspenders your mom insisted made you look like a “little grown-up.” It is truly what I miss most about childhood. Aside from not paying bills. And having an eternal well of hopeful optimism. And also gym class dodgeball. Well, at the very least, it’s definitely one of the things I miss most from childhood. So take a moment to salute your parents for bringing this joy into your life, even if they did nothing else. And remember one thing, kids: You always bite the ears off first. No matter what.Want more Thrillist? Follow us on InstagramTwitterPinterestYouTubeTikTok, and Snapchat.

Wil Fulton is a Senior Development Producer and Podcast Host/Producer at Thrillist. If you told him he could only eat one food for the rest of his life, he’d be frightened and confused. Follow him:@wilfulton.

Food and Drink

Red Rooster Is Serving Free Chicken and Piping Hot Cash This Christmas in July

Get your early dose of festive cheer.

Red Rooster Christmas in July
Instagram / @redrooster_au

The cold weather in most parts of Australia coinciding with EOFY celebrations is the closest thing that we’ll get to snowy Christmas vibes. And if you’re in dire need of some festive cheer after the first six months of 2023, grab your ugly sweater and head to your nearest Red Rooster for Xmas in July deals.

From June 29 – July 31, 2023, Red Rooster is serving up free food items, a chance to win $10,000 or one of 10 merch packs valued at $400 and other fun prizes. All you have to do is sign up as a Red Royalty member and spend $5 on at a location near you or online.

Each week there’ll be new delicious deals and prizes to win. The week one deals have already dropped and they’re looking pretty tasty. You can get access to them via your Red Royalty account. The more you purchase, the more chances you have to win.

Spoiler alert: you can get 10 chicken nuggets for free, right now. Brb running to Red Rooster.

Terms and conditions apply. Visit Red Rooster’s Christmas in July to see all the deals.

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